Gear Junkie - June 2018
While the brand’s theme sure turns heads, after wearing the socks for a few months, we found alien socks performed impressively for such a low price point.
our spatial story
the last thing earth needs is another f*cking sock company
however, one thing this planet doesn’t have right now is socks designed by aliens…that’s right we are living among you
in our quest to “alienate” as many humanoids as possible we’ve decided the most effective way to infiltrate the human genome is through your feet
think about it, everyone has two of ‘em and better yet….these wonders of bipedal nature have 26 bones, 33 joints, 100 muscles/tendons/ligaments and are ripe for exploitation
ok...lets cut to the chase
here’s how we’ll take over your puny planet…..
first, you visit our strangely attractive site & make a purchase
second…you discover our socks have “special powers” as you simply feel good wearing ‘em!
fyi, our research shows these special powers mysteriously open the minds of humanoids to be more receptive to our alien presence
so, when we eventually land in force on your planet earthlings and their feet will be blissfully unaware and fully on board with our intentions to take the f*ck over
here’s the good news…..our alien race is friendly….and we aren’t interested in dominating the human race as you do that well enough on your own
we just want to help you bring your planet back to “normalcy” or as close to it as "humanly" possible
bottom line, we encourage you to get alienated and celebrate the wonder of your feet
c’mon get on the good foot and open your hearts, minds and feet to your new alien friends
ack ack :: ))