For Immediate Release
Planet Earth June 7, 2018
New Direct To Consumer Sock Company Is All Alien All The Time
Let’s face it….The last thing this planet needs is another f*cking sock company…..
However, one thing this planet doesn’t have right now is socks designed by aliens…that’s right we are living among you.
In our quest to “alienate” as many humanoids as possible we’ve decided the most effective way to infiltrate the human genome is through their feet. Think about it, everyone has two of ‘em and better yet….these wonders of bipedal nature have 26 bones, 33 joints, 100 muscles/tendons/ligaments and are ripe for exploitation.
OK, in the spirit of transparency here’s how we’ll take over your puny planet…..
-First, earthlings visit our site.
-Next they buy a few pairs and wear ‘em because all our products are well designed, use technical materials and are perfect for running, cycling, hiking or a trip to Costco.
-Finally, our socks have some “special powers”…..ie…you simply feel good wearing ‘em! These special powers then somehow mysteriously open the minds of humanoids to be more receptive to our alien presence. So, when we eventually land in force on your planet earthlings will be unaware and fully on board of our intentions to take over.
Here’s the good news…..our alien race is friendly….and we aren’t interested in dominating the human race as you do that well enough on your own. We just want to help you bring your planet back to “normalcy” or as close to it as humanly possible.
Bottom line, we encourage you to get alienated and celebrate the wonder of your feet. C’mon get on the good foot and open your hearts, minds and feet to your new alien friends.